I actually feel so guilty because the time between each of my posts is getting longer and longer. I just can no longer find the motivation to blog weekly, and it’s become more of a chore for me. Hopefully my mood towards blogging will improve once I’m not as stressed.
Anyways, today’s post will be about a little dilemma I’m experiencing.
Two days ago, I danced in the annual school dance production, and it honestly evoked so much emotion in me. The black curtains were thick, and the lights were bright on stage, and it was the best feeling. I haven’t performed properly in ages, and I really miss it. I miss the time when I had the courage to just “go for it” and not worry about letting anyone down.
You see, ever since I was young, I’ve loved the theatre. More specifically, performing in one. I acted in Pinnochio when I was 9, and Alice in Wonderland when I was 10 (I was the Cheshire Cat). Mind you, these were only school productions, nothing fancy. I loved it, though. I loved being at school during afterhours, tension backstage, peeking through the curtains at the assembling audience, exhilaration and applause and props and sets and everything. It’s funny to think that once, I was actually good at it.
Because although I love performing, I’m also afraid. Last year, I auditioned for local productions -twice- but didn’t even make it into the first round for both. Lots of my friends made it in, and I’m left wondering what I did wrong. So many people believe in me – Vine, my parents, Melody and loads more. I didn’t tell them I didn’t make it in, instead I lied and said I was sick the day of the audition.
I love performing, I love the stage and the lights and all, but I don’t have what it takes. New opportunities are popping up, Melody is pressuring me to try them, and people think I’m really good at singing and dancing and acting and everything, but I really am NOT. Should I take new chances and risk disappointing everybody, or should I play it safe and suppress my passion for performing? I DON’T KNOW.
I want to perform again. You have no idea.
Lots of love from Siddelee, xx.